i felt a new kind of chest pain jus now... it's very different from wat had last time... not becos of bgr thingy animore... but this time... i feel tat i becoming more like someone who's getting attention by doing stupig stuff... making noise, all kinds of lame and cold stuff... by all these unwanted thing, i getting useless in my studies... got single digit again for quizes... is this the best i can do? did i "study"? in the sense tat i concentrate... DID I?!?! recently, i dun dare to compare myself wif kevin john, yew mun and kevin animore... i wan to get better wif myself... thinking of how to improve w/o competing wif others... but it..... it.... doesn't work at all... nobody is going to pity me... i've chosen some tough path of the future... future shrouded... cant focus on the present now... am i in the right way of changing my present? it's SO hard... although i've been very lame lately, have i truely make ppl laughing from their hearts? or hav i jus irritated them? tat's wat i been afraid of... y cant i jus read ppl's mind? to noe wat they're thinking and making them happy... y cant?
sry ym... i din join DRP... there are 4 types of ppl.. ppl wif high IQ, successful in life and work... ppl wif low IQ, successful in life and work... ppl wif high IQ, unsuccessful... i guess im the last 1 ... ppl wif low IQ, unsuccessful in everything... but on the other hand... y should i be such a pessismistic person? after i tried to be laming ard since the start of the sem till now... i've been making enemies ard too... alot of ppl is irritated esp those in TB02... even my jap class, i started to have some "popularity"... partially becus of my name "PIN PIN"... haiz... commotion<--- duno isit spelled this way... is made b4 HPI quiz, asking whether ting ting is my sis... hahaha... i guess im tot by ppl when unimportant matters arise... many times ignored by ppl during lab... felt so lonely... wanted to clarify doubts wif the grp, but instead neither of them replied my questions... im being cast away... im losing my reality soon... living in fear, w/o aknowlegment from others... y do i still cant see wat im truely gd in? i used the methods of asking others wat my gd pts are... they nid to think quite a long period... there's doubt to wat they think my attributes are? some tot of saying tat my smiles? always smiling... =) hope so ba... everything will get tired of someday...
everything jus goes wrong la... nth is right... home... sch... my studies all going to flunk le... still thinking of joining wat JAP cultural grp... cant even cope wif those quizes le...
hehe... it's ok... i need to get back to reality again... haha... abit too emotional le... =D Gd NiTez
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